I'm only me.

You'd never say it, but it's right.

Thu, 28 Aug 2008 00:59:58 GMT

Speak dumb like every other one
“Don’t want to let you down”
You’d rather let me fall apart
And so you back off
A bit less obvious
Oh you forgot I called
Won't take it personal personal honey
I know, you’ve just been busy or you need to be alone
Well you can call me when you’re bored
I’ll sing a song low, over the telephone, in lower decibels
So you can hear it and hear it and hear it and lost that though
You’ve lost that privilege with a hundred more
Hold his hand now
Out on the mission field, your hearts compatible
Mine breaks alone alone alone

Your new boyfriend, you’ve got your new boyfriend
I bet he likes you more than he likes me

‘Cause I’m the former one
He’s the latter one
He’d never say it but its right
Sorry, that was rude of me, forget I said a thing
But don’t forget it when you’re staring at him
Say something you mean
Don’t be polite
Kiss, kill, nothing in between
I can’t sit still and get cancelled
Got cancelled, can’t sit still
Not when you’ve got

Your new boyfriend, you’ve got your new boyfriend
I bet he likes you more than he likes me

Speak dumb like every other one like every other one like every other one

‘Cause I’m the former one
He’s the latter one
He’d never say it but its right
Sorry, that was rude of me, forget I said a thing
But don’t forget it when you’re staring at him
Passed on, up and over
Said she did
Said she didn’t come on and pass me up, let me go, throw away, let me go
Oh it’s ok not to be the same, not to be the same

------------

It's really over, you made your stand
You got me crying, as well as you planned
But when my loneliness is through, I'm gonna find another you

You take your sweaters
You take your time
You might have your reasons, but you will never have my rhymes
I'm gonna sing my way away from blue
I'm gonna find another you

When I was your lover
No one else would do
If I'm forced to find another I hope she looks like you
Yeah and she's nicer too

So go on baby
Make your little get away
My pride will keep me company
And you just gave yours all away
Now I'm gonna dress myself for two
Once for me and once for someone new
I'm gonna do some things you wouldn't let me do
Oh I'm gonna find another you

-------------------

Too many shadows in my room
Too many hours in this midnight
Too many corners in my mind
So much to do to set my heart right
Oh it's taking so long I could be wrong, I could be ready
Oh but if I take my heart's advice
I should assume it's still unsteady
I am in repair, I am in repair

Stood on the corner for a while
To wait for the wind to blow down on me
Hoping it takes with it my old ways
And brings some brand new look upon me
Oh it's taking so long I could be wrong, I could be ready
Oh but if i take my heart's advice
I should assume it's still unsteady
I am in repair, I am in repair

And now I'm walking in a park
All of the birds they dance below me
Maybe when things turn green again
It will be good to say you know me

Oh it's taking so long I could be wrong, I could be ready
Oh but if I take my heart's advice
I should assume it's still unready
Oh I'm never really ready, I'm never really ready
I'm in repair, I'm not together, but I'm getting there
I'm in repair, I'm not together, but I'm getting there

Inner peace.

Mon, 25 Aug 2008 20:32:43 GMT

Paolo Nutini and Jason Mraz are slowly becoming my heart menders. ♥

Oh the phone you know it never stops, it's the last thing I hear at night
And the first thing in the morning.
And as I start to let it burn my head, you slowly creep into bed,
And I'm done with all the talking,
You say you know how I'm feeling, I just need to try to settle down.

Oh a million faces pass my way.
Oh they're all the same, nothing seems to change anytime I look around.
Oh who knows just what the future holds
All I want to know is if it's with you.

Tired as hell and falling up the stairs, filled with a thousand cares,
As you walk out from the bedroom
Though it feels like all my fire has gone, girl you just turn me on.
Can't believe how much I want you
You say you know how I'm feeling, I just need to try to settle down.

Oh a million faces pass my way.
Oh they're all the same, nothing seems to change anytime I look around.
Oh who knows just what the future holds
All I want to know is if it's with you.

We're distracted by the hard times, and the troubles that we make
Let us throw them in the ocean, let it wash our cares away.
On the phone you know it never stops, it's the last thing I hear at night.
And the first thing in the morning

Oh a million faces pass my way.
Oh they're all the same, nothing seems to change anytime I look around.
Oh who knows just what the future holds
All I want to know is if it's with you.

We're distracted by the hard times, and the troubles that we make
Let us throw them in the ocean, let it wash our cares away.
We're distracted by the hard times, and the troubles that we make.
Let us throw them in the ocean, let it wash our cares away.

Let it wash our cares away, let it wash our cares away.

Love hurts

Mon, 25 Aug 2008 03:30:41 GMT

But sometimes it's a good hurt
And it feels like I'm alive.
Love sings,
When it transcends the bad things.
Have a heart and try me,
'cause without love I won't survive.

Forshadowing?

Mon, 11 Aug 2008 15:07:13 GMT

[10:54] FlamingMoses: I'VE GOTA POCKET GOTA POCKET FULL OF SUNSHINE -eardrums bleed out-
[10:54] FlamingMoses: dude i had the creepiest dream last nite
[10:55] silly tubby: go
[10:58] FlamingMoses: i dreamt it was everyone from school and we were all on this like, camp retreat thing and we were all competing for something in teams [although i'm not so sure how the team thing worked out because everytime we stopped the teams were different] but like, we had to go through all these trials and first it was hiking up a small hill then up a bigger harder hill and then we had to go through a warehouse then at last through a haunted house and for some reason i wasn't scared of the ghosts even though they would come like right up next to you and had the scariest faces [like the distorted ones from the ring or something] and i could battle with them like in mario galaxy
[10:59] FlamingMoses: then at the end of the haunted house you had to go into a room and of course i end up getting lost and end up in the room alone and it's a little girl in a corner and she turns around and her face is all burned off and she's holding a gun and pointing it at you [oh and all the ghosts feel real so the gun felt pretty damn real too] and you had to run into this hole in the floorboards before she shot and killed you
[10:59] silly tubby: WOW
[11:00] FlamingMoses: and luckily i did and i slid down a bunch of banisters and found everyone and justin was there and i was calling out to him but there was a big crowd so i guess he didn't hear me but my phone rang so i answered it
[11:01] FlamingMoses: and in the dream i didn't recognize his number but in my head i KNEW it was his but i answered it and was like "hello?" and he was silent and i said hello again and asked who it was and he answerd "maybe it's best for them both if they stay like this." and i suddenly started freaking out in the dream because i was slowly putting the number and him together and i started screaming "hello? who is this? justin? no! what are you saying? stop just talk to me!" and then i woke up
[11:02] silly tubby: wtf
[11:02] silly tubby: wow
[11:02] silly tubby: *hugs*
[11:02] silly tubby: that
[11:02] silly tubby: sucks
[11:02] silly tubby: D:
[11:04] FlamingMoses: haha i know, thankfully it was a dream? lol i'm slightly worried that might be a forshadowing
[11:04] FlamingMoses: -hug-

Wed, 06 Aug 2008 14:48:35 GMT

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII'M BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!

You're such a dick, I hate you!

Sun, 03 Aug 2008 00:09:11 GMT

Bitch, shut up before I rape you.

Back door in the club
I'm not looking for love
I'm lookin' for a big butt
To squeeze on these nuts
I'm not trying to think too much
I'm just trying to get fucked and drink too much

Lil bitch - don't be so serious
Don't get mad 'cuz your girls wanna be with us
In the club - show love
Have a drink on us
Hey yo dog I think this girl wants to get fucked

Hey Daddy can I talk to you
Daddy I'm only seventeen
But I know just what to do
At the club
Fools pay big money for me
But Daddy you can get this lap dance here for free
I need love Daddy
Daddy give it to me
It's my birthday

Ahhight - then let me see your I.D.
Cuz the last time I was fooled the bitch was just sixteen
Big ass - big tits - she looked at least twenty-three

I'm going straight to hell

If fuckin you is wrong I don't wanna be right

Hey baby girl
I know just what to do
I'ma slap your little ass
Til it turns black and blue
Now ya put on these heels
and ya arch your back
And I'ma crack ya ass in half
With my eight inch staff

In my parents bedroom?
Yea - yea you know how we do it
On my Mamma's bed?
You go ahead and give me head
While my Daddy's workin?
I got my own work to do
On the kitchen table?

I popped the cherry of the high school senior
Head cheerleader
Baby girl's hungry - so Daddy gotta feed her
Inches - pull it out
Then she blew me
A teenage pussy is a thing of beauty

I'm goin' straight to hell....

If fuckin you is wrong I don't wanna be right

I could fuck your life away
Let me fuck your life away
I don't wanna be right
Fuck you

Jailbait - jailbait - jailbait - jailbait

She was like
Damn what the fuck did you do to me?
I was like
Shut the fuck up - this ain't nothin' new to me
She was like
You're suck a dick I hate you!
I was like
Bitch shut up before I rape you

I like fuckin these ninety-pounders
I watch it go in
I feel like I'm Shaquile O'Neal
and I'm fucking the Olsen Twins

It don't take much more than a nice butt
The slut smiles at me - the slut rides with me
In the back of the suburban
Leave the drivin to me

Damn - I forgot to check that slut's I.D.

Those big-ass-titties make it hard to see

If fuckin you is wrong - I don't wanna be right

You can totally ignore this.

Tue, 29 Jul 2008 04:31:29 GMT

I deleted my myspace profile for personal reasons but I wanted to save all of my blogs so I'm putting them here.

Hung out with Ginny, Eric, Lacey, Benay, Alex, Billy, & Shana [sp?] for part two of Ginny's birthday [since the REAL part two couldn't happen]
It was sooo much fun, I def. needed the time away from everything.
Eric copped so many feels it wasn't even funny, it's a good thing he's gay lol
And Speed Racer is so trippy.
It was like Geometry Wars and LSD shaken up and served with a lime.
Or a body shot.
idk haha

I got Jellie shoes today :3
I feel so nostalgic with them on.

Before Ginny's birthday thing though my mom and I got in this fight and I just got up and left the house and started walking I was so mad.
Eventually I stopped being mad and looked up -was walking with her head down- and realized I had walked halfway down kirk rd almost to 10th avenue so I stopped and turned into the funeral home/cemetery by my house and decided to visit Ashley [or at least find her] and just strike up a conversation with her.
But I couldn't find her.
Next time I'll ask.
But what I did find was a lot of inner peace.
I looked for Anamaria's little brother and realized there were A LOT of babies that didn't live past a year, quite a few were dead on the same day they were born. It was really sad.
I found a few graves from WWII that still had nice flowers on them and some that the people were born in 1901 and had lived til the '90's that was cool.
I fixed up a few flowers and struck up a few conversations with the people [in my head of course] and I felt so...idk...accepted in a way.
I know.
I'm nuts: I collect bones, dead butterflies and other dead things, I talk to dead people, I think death is quite fascinating, i love gross things, I don't freak out when I see blood. There's no need to remind me twice how odd I am.
Everything was so quiet at the cemetery, and calm, there was no screaming or fighting or judging or anything. Just a great calmness.
I found a lot of pictures of the people who had died on their graves and told them that their families missed them, but that they'd be with them soon.
I told them that they were loved even if they did die with someone hating them because the people that hated them didn't matter.
I told them that things were ok and that the world hadn't really changed much. Everything just moves faster and everyone cares less.
And I thought to myself how much the world changed without all of those people in it. I know it didn't change a lot to the whole majority, but to at least one or two people that knew that dead person: the world came to a whole new view to them.
Then I walked around some more, checked out the mausoleum and then decided to walk home since I figured my mom was worried.

The whole experience was really cool. I really liked it. It got me thinking about how if I suddenly died what would happen. Would everyone that hates me right now still hate me? Would they regret anything? Would anyone regret not telling me something? Would I know? Would everyone that loves me right now still love me? What would happen to all my stuff? How would my mom cope? How would any of my family cope? What would Marie tell Lennon? Would she cry? Would my brother cry?
I wouldn't want anyone to cry at my funeral.
I'll demand in my will that Journey be played through my funeral, and if anyone wants to sing or something they should, anything to keep people from crying. I don't want a viewing. It'll be all closed casket. And I wanna be cremated, so that my anyone that wants a piece of me can have me, but the most part of me I want my brother and sister to leave wherever they can. Like just grab a handful and as they drive up I-95 just let it all go in the wind.
I believe in reincarnation. I think if my ashes land in many different places, many different versions of me will reincarnate in many different places and I can make more of a difference in my next life.
I know I make an impact in everyone's lives now, I know I do, for all the people I've talked to and was friends with [or still am] for all the people I dated and hearts I broke, for all the people I met and never saw again: I left some part of me with them, even if it was a little.
I just want to make a big impact, on a lot of lives.
Like cure AIDs or Cancer or psychological disorders.
Maybe my research with animals can pave the way for other researchers and scientists in the future. That'd be cool.

That'd be hella cool.

"Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and, damn, you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love, love, love
Listen to the music of the moment, maybe sing with me
All a peaceful melody
It's your God forsaken right to be love, love, love, loved, love, loved

So I won't hesitate, no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
This is our fate
I'm yours"
---------------------------

I didn't know her and I'm okay with that, this whole thing is just a horrible event for everyone.
Everything happens for a reason though, even if it is terrible.
Rumors are flying faster than God knows what and that's sick too.
I don't feel sad, I feel more guilty that I don't feel sad, but like I said, I didn't know her.
You know. I'm not religious, I consider myself agnostic even though I'm baptized as an Episcopalian, but after this, I walked past the cemetary by my house, and I saw a lady walk out and she walked straight to the car and placed her elbow on the side of the car while holding her head up with her hand. She was tired, she was so tired, it was written all over her body language. She just got in the car after that and I kept walking, but for the first time in my life I made the sign of the cross and prayed for someone. I don't know who that lady was or why she was at the funeral home, but I hope everything in her life goes okay from here on out, I hope God brings her peace and she finds happiness. I really never gave a second thought to religion much, I knew there was something out there because of my upbringing and that it's just natural to give that something the name of God or Jesus or Moses because those are common names, but I never prayed, I never thougt about it much. I just lived. After this though it's so strange, I feel almost as if praying WILL make everything better. Almost like another way to heal except without the darkness. I still don't believe that the Christian God is the only God out there, I'm only using the name God because I have no idea what to call this, I guess I could call it Frank or Will or Schmitty van werben man jensen, but that's irrelevant. I have this feeling in me, it's so weird, I don't know what to call it. I guess more thought will help me figure out what's inside, but my brain is fried for now.

Out of all of this though I have to say that there is some good to come from it, I know? I must be really sick in the head to think that right? But don't judge me just hear me out, after today, after this event, after everything...how many kids do you think went home today and CRIED? How many kids do you think went home today and told their parents that they loved them without having been prompted by their parents? How many kids do you think actually talked or hugged or did anything to acknowledge their parents existance? I think a lot did. And I guess it's not just parents, it's friends, it's family, it's anyone that they've totally rejected and taken their existance for granted. I know I was one of those kids. I called my mom when I got home and instead of just telling her I got home I told her I loved her. I loved her. When was the last time I said that without her saying it first? I don't even remember. I don't. When was the last time I said it without a tone or actually CARING? I don't remember. And it's sad. I underappreciate my mom. She cares for me so much, as much as she annoys me and as much as I wish I could believe or think that she was out to get me I love my mom. I do.

Mm. Well, I guess my rant is over. This long extended thought that I'm not even sure made much sense, but it made plenty of sense to me. I'm going to do something I thought I'd never hear myself say in a thousand years and I'm going to pray for everybody tonite. For everyone affected by her death, for her family, for her.

I didn't know her, but from what I hear, I hear she was an amazing person.
R.I.P. Ashley
-----------------------------

Cause I am living just to breathe.
And I need something more
To keep on breathing for.
So give me something to believe.

"Yeah, one time I blew out the bag on a CPR dummy because my lungs were so strong from band. Then I started smoking cigarettes."

"Losing ***** as a friend is nothing. It's not really a big deal."

"All he wants to do is sit around and smoke. We can't hang out anymore without smoking. He doesn't even want to get out if it involves walking, 'Can't you get someone to drive us? 1 mile? Fuck that I'm staying home.' He's so stupid."

"He used to be such a nice person until he started doing drugs and then I just didn't want to hang out with him anymore. We used to be so close, and I mean we still talk from time to time, but it's nothing like it was. And he asks me why all of his friends left and I don't understand what he can't see."

So you've got your whole life planned out, matching houses, children that will play together, jobs that you want. And then? What comes after the dream?

I took a stock of my life today and I realized I was wrong the entire time.

And I'm tired of being wrong. I'm done with it.

"Does it make me a neurotic control-freak if I ask a friend to look out for another friend while they go out and party?"
"No..why?"
"I told *****, in confidence that he wouldn't tell ****** mind you, to just watch him for the nite because it makes me nervous when I know he's doing drugs. And I mean I would've done it for any friend or any boyfriend because it just makes me nervous when I know someone I care about is going to be at a party where there are going to be drugs and alcohol and where I know people are going to be binging."
"No he was straight the whole nite I mean he had a couple beers, but he was pretty chill."
"I don't wanna hear about the nite, it's okay, I just- it just makes me nervous when anybody does drugs. And lately I've been more nervous than ever what with you ****** whenever you talk about all the drugs and shit that you do and then *** having his fucking ******* and then you **** . You used to be such a nice kid and then your life when to the shits. No offense, but your life is in the shits."
"But I mean *** didn't have the ******* because of the drugs."
"Yes, he did-"
"No it was because he was dehydrated-"
"No ***** , it was because he was trying to get clean off of drugs too fast."
"Then that's not his fault it's the army's fault"
"I'm not going to fight with you on this ***** because you're on drugs and I'm not and neither of us are ever going to accept what the other person has to say."

It's a battle I know I'm never going to win. Put the blame where you want, all 3 of you are addicted. You don't think you're addicted because you're not sleeping in the gutters or crawling into your closet with your guns because you're paranoid that there are people sneaking around outside your house trying to get in when there's really nobody. But addiction doesn't have to get that far for it to happen. It just does. There's no point where you realize where you are you just wake up one morning and notice where you've been for the past however many days/weeks/months/years that you've been. It just happens. And once an addict, always an addict. You say, "Weed's not a drug." Oh? Then what is? The "big" stuff? Heroin, crack, cocaine? You say, "You can't get addicted." Why? Because you don't get withdrawl symptoms when you stop? Because you don't get the shakes, night sweats, abdominal cramping, paranoia, insomnia, anxiety, vommitting, diarrhea, or acute psychosis when you stop? So what about that little voice in the back of your head telling you, "Just one more won't hurt."? That's a symptom of withdrawl. Those tiny headaches you get when you stop? That's a symptom. Your body needs what it's grown to love. You speak like you can wear a patch and everything will be okay in the end. Like it'll solve all your problems. Like you can go to the doctor tomorrow and he'll make everything all better. And the truth is nothing can. And maybe you won't end up a junkie on the streets. I hope you're all better than that. I hope you never have to go through that. But weeds a drug. And you all 3 threw your lives away for it. No friends? Jeez I wonder why. No life? Jeez I wonder why. Everyone hates you? Your grades suck? You're going nowhere in life? Jeez, I fucking wonder why. Despite the fact that you aren't going to read this I don't care. I hope someone does. Anyone does.

Weeds a drug.
Heroin's a drug.
Crack, coke, xanax, LSD, PCP, MDMA, Oxycontin, Opium, Valium, prescribed medicines, Methamphetamine, Speed, Caffeinne, Dimehydrinate,CCC's, Cigarettes, DXM, GHB, Mushrooms, Mesculine, Diphenhydramine, they're all drugs. Illegal, legal, whatever. You don't have to be smart to use them and not get addicted or stupid to used them and not get addicted. You don't get addicted: cool. You do: sucks for you.

You only think they're your friends because they haven't left you for dead yet. You only think they're your friends because they do what you wanna do. You don't have anything in common with them, but the drugs. And that's the sick truth.
---------------------------------

The Beatles got it right the first time.
There was no sophmore album of the year. Or sophmore hit song of the year. They got it right the first time. There's no prescription for a love song. No set of rules that makes one up. Just like there are no rules or descriptions for love, you just can't tell someone how to make a love song a love song. You just do. You can't pretend to know how to love you just do. It's the simplest things that get a person. A pack of roses, box of chocolates, little notes in the left hand pocket of your new Dickies jacket, surprise kisses here and there. It's the simplest things that make us the happiest. A flower and a hand. A flower. What's in a flower? What's behind the meaning? A simple gesture such as, "Here, take this rose/daisy/lily of the valley/violet." can make a person's heart swell and burst with happiness. So simple. You don't need a big parade with banners saying, "I love so-and-so." or a million airplanes spelling out both of your names in the sky. Eventually the parade'll end at the end of the sidewalk, and the wind will blow away what you worked so hard with. But flowers. There's something about them. You get them, they die, you plant them, they grow back. The regeneration of something that you once lost. Kinda like they say you never stop loving. You don't. You may not love as much as you used to or love as hard or as strongly or as beautifully as before but you will always love. It always grows back. Maybe it doesn't grow back easy, like a flower that only grows at nite or a flower that only grows back once a year. But it does. Eventually your petals will all fall though, and you'll lose the love you thought you had. Or maybe your petals won't fall. Maybe they'll be a plastic flower whose petals will never wilt and die, whose petals will never know the hardships of a cold winter [or cold heart]. Or the hardships of a harsh summer [an intense romance.] But the plastic flowers are so rare. So very rare. It's takes a warm heart to grow plastic petals. Through selective breeding and mutations in your gene sequence maybe your kids one day will grow plastic petals. But let them grow their own plastic petals. Don't smother your blooming flower. It won't grow right.

A hand.

What's behind a hand gesture.

Help.
Love.
Graciousness.
Comfort.
Empathy.
A shake between friends.
A sign of affection between lovers.

The Beatles got it right the first time.
The simplest of gestures turned beautiful. Turned golden. Turned platinum. No big banners screaming they need you. No megaphones required. No speaking needed. Leave your mouth and eyes at the door. The softest of touches grabbed our hearts from the beginning of time and won't ever let go.
It says,
"I don't want to hold you forever. I probably won't be able to hold you forever. For those few minutes you have to pee or eat or bathe I won't be holding you. Company meetings, shopping excursions, house cleaning, car driving, I won't be holding you. But I would like to hold on to you for now."
It says,
"I don't want to make love to you right now. I want to be with you without having the physical connection just yet. I want you for you. And I want only you. I don't want our hearts to be one just now, I don't want to feel your skin on my skin just now, I just want to know that you're here. To know that you're standing with me. To know that you're not as mythical as I have been led to believe every once in awhile."
It says,
"I've got you and I'm not letting go just right now."
It says,
"They're with me."
We're holding on to this fragment of what we want. What we need. What we breathe, eat and live every once in awhile. This small gesture of love.

I want to hold your hand. I want to hold your hand.
Lets skip the bed.
Lets skip the lips.
Lets skip the romance and logistics.
I want to hold your hand.
I want to hold your hand.

The Beatles got it right the first time and didn't need anyone to tell them that they did. They knew it when they wrote it. "I want to hold your hand." The simplest of loves songs that is a gift from the stars. They took the most primitive form of affection that we've been unconciouslly doing for decades, centuries, ages, eons, and turned it back to it's former beauty. They turned it back to its former glory. The remaking of the old. The house that fell apart in the back of the woods. The abused child that rose above the odds. They found what we forgot and made it happen again.

"I want to hold your hand"
- - - The Beatles, The Bealtes 1.
-------------------------------------

"The minutes dripped by, each one totally bending and twisting my shape. We eventually stopped getting up to flip the tape, and just listened to dead air. I could feel serious changes happening to me the longer I stayed in Renee's room. I felt knots untie themselves, knots I didn't know were there. I could already tell there were things happening deep inside me that were irreversible. Is there any scarier word than "irreversible"? It's a hiss of a word, full of side effects and mutilations. Severe tire damage - no backing up. Falling in love with Renee felt that way. I felt strange things going on inside me, and I knew that these weren't things I would recover from. These were changes that were shaping the way things were going to be, and I wouldn't find out until later. Irreversible."

"What is love? Great minds have been grappling with this question through the ages, and in the modern era, they have come up with many different answers. According to the Western philosoper Pat Benatar, love is a battlefield. Her paisan Frank Sinatra would add the corollary that love is a tender trap. The stoner kids who spent the summer of 1978 looking cool on the hoods of their Trans Ams in the Pierce Elementary School parking lot used to scare us little kids by blasting the Sweet hit "Love Is Like Qxygen" - you get too much, you get too high, not enough, and you're gonna die. Love hurts. Love stinks. Love bites, love bleeds, love is the drug. The troubadours of our times all agree: They want to know what love is, and they want you to show them.
But the answer is simple. Love is a mix tape."
-------------------------------

http://www.wittyprofiles.com/break-up/1

They're break up quotes from real ppls:

No one can promise they'll never hurt you, because at one time or another they will. The real promise is if the time you spent together will be worth the pain in the end

You don't die from a broken heart.. you only wish you did.

Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.

The hottest love has the coldest end.

Ever has it been that love knows not its
own depth until the hour of separation.

The only thing that still hurts
is knowing he's moved on
without me

I wrote your name on a bullet so everyone would know you were the last thing that went through my head

i guess i'll always be the
Tinkerbell
& never the
Wendy

So keep talking baby,
My ears are all yours
Too bad I'm deaf
And I can't hear your words

sometimes it is easier to say you don't care
instead of explaining [ w h y y o u do ]

iiN A PERFECT WORLD
we wouldn`t need mirrors cuz every girl
would have a boy to tell her she`s beautiful

I can't stand it when women are mad/sad at a man
I can't stand the men that put them there..

and the only way i can say this nicely is,
"i hope you choke."

DONT FEEL SPECIAL
he used to tell me a l l the things
he tells you.
all the "I love you's,
the smiles & kissy faces. the baby
always and forevers. Yeah,
I g o t t h o s e t o o.

I like dead end signs.
they're kind.
at least they have the decency
to let you know you're not going anywhere.

told him i loved him
and the feeling was mutal
he loved himself too

you're the king of mixed signals
and i'm the queen of excuses.

you now hun
its really no big deal, everyone hurts me.
if you dont want to go out anymore then fine
ya know it should really be a game;
10 points if you break her heart;
50 if you make her cry;
100 points if you make her want to die
&& lets just say you got the high score

you cant buy my love back
but you can buy me a dog

&& Even if she searched the entire dictionary she wouldn`t be able to find one word to describe what she was feeling
Boy, you must be acing math cuzzz...
first you said...
me +plus+ you =equals= forever
then you ÷divided÷ my heart
and then ×multiplied× the pain
now I'm ½half½ of what
I w ~ a ~ s .

Don't worry baby, You didn't break me, you completley destroyed me.

She's a little upset, she won't vent to anyone.
Her problems aren't important and no one is listening.
She's crying inside; but hey, she's beautiful, right?
The only people you need in your life are.. the people who prove they need you in theirs

Im not sure uf I should feel like an idiot for what I said
or feel like an idiot for regrettign it..

Sometimes the Nevers and Maybes are the ones that leave the deepest scars.

Walking through fire without a burn on me

this sucks;
how we were together;
and now were not.
so someone needs to go get me
A DOUBLE CHOCOLATE FRAPPUCINO.

oh, don't worry about her.
she's always upset.
she's always in love with someone who doesn't love her back.
she's always heart broken.
so she's fine.
by now she's used to it.

you werent a waste of time
just a harsh realization that
i c o u l d do b e t t e r.

&& You took half of my heart like it was chocolate

you arent going to be his first, last or his only.
hes cared about someone before and he will
again. but if he cares for you now what else
matters? hes not perfect, &you arent either--
the two of you will never be perfect. but if he
can make you laugh at least once, hold onto
him the most you can. hes not going to quote
poetry, he's not going to be thinking about you
every moment ,but he will give you a part of
him he knows you can break so dont hurt him
dont try to change him,&dont expect more than
he can give. dont over analyze, smile when he
makes you happy & when he makes you mad
and miss him when hes gone.

-----------------------------------

1.

Sat, 26 Jul 2008 03:42:13 GMT

I'm

Fri, 25 Jul 2008 20:40:16 GMT

single.

"Sometimes we have to let the ones we love go."

I hate you.

Are you there Margaret? It's me God.

Tue, 22 Jul 2008 19:56:48 GMT

They told me where to go
(And I always follow)
They told me what to do
(I swallowed every drop down)
They told me bedtime stories
(of how I’d rise above)
They told me they were true

I sat and thought about her
On the train ride out
Until my stomach turned
Like it’s done for years now
I thought about her hips and thighs
With the red in my eyes
I felt my body burn
Burn, yeah.

Aeroplane, aeroplane
Don’t leave without me
'Cos I'm out here all by myself
And I got no place to sleep
Aeroplane, aeroplane
Don’t leave without me
'Cos I'm out here all by myself and I
Ain't got no place to sleep.

And you told me that you loved me
(I swallowed every drop down)
And you told me how it felt
Like being gagged and bound
And you told me you were leaving
On the last train out
And you told me, “Go to hell.”

Well, never tell, you’re beautiful
I’ve been there
Believe me when I say I’m not afraid
Of destruction, sorrow, fear or regret.
My lover don’t call me by my name.
My lover, don’t call me by my name.

Hey, yeah.

Aeroplane, aeroplane
Don’t leave without me
‘Cos I'm out here all by myself
And I got no place to sleep
Aeroplane, aeroplane
Don’t leave without me
‘Cos I'm out here all by mself and I
Ain't got no place to sleep.

Aeroplane, aeroplane
Don’t leave without me
‘Cos I'm out here all by myself
And I got no place to sleep.

Aeroplane, aeroplane
Don’t leave without me
‘Cos I'm out here
All by myself tonight
And I got no place to sleep.
Yeah, I'm out here all by myself tonight
Got no place to sleep
No, no, no, no -
Got no place to sleep
No, no, no, no.

Believe me when I say I'm not afraid
I've heard the devil call me by my name.
Believe me when I say I'm not afraid
My lover don't call me by my name.

(hed) P.E.

Sat, 19 Jul 2008 14:29:33 GMT

God what an amazing concert.
I'm so glad my mom let us go.
Thank you so much Kristen and Justin for getting my ticket for me.

:DDDDDDD
sdfkljsflajflka sjoiwurvnijaf

And apparently I pissed off 9843797492374 people
and worried the crap out of everyone

sorry!!!

But all in all it was so damn good.
(Hed) P.E. ♥

The Gaslight Anthem

Mon, 14 Jul 2008 14:15:53 GMT

Abbey comes tomorrow:)))

Well I wonder which song they’re gonna play when we go
I hope it’s something quiet and minor and peaceful and slow
When we float out into the ether, into the everlasting arms
I hope we don’t hear Marley’s chains we forged in life

‘Cause the chains I’ve been hearing now for most of my life
The chains I’ve been hearing now for most of my life

Did you hear the ’59 sound coming through on Grandmama’s radio?
Did you hear the rattling chains in the hospital walls?
Did you hear the old gospel choir when they came to carry you over?
Did you hear your favorite song one last time?

And I wonder were you scared when the metal hit the glass?
See, I was playing a show down the road when your spirit left your
body
And they told me on the front lawn, I’m sorry I couldn’t go
But I still know the song and the words and her name and the reasons

And I know ‘cause we were kids and we used to hang
I know ‘cause we were kids and we used to hang

Did you hear the ’59 sound coming through on Grandmama’s radio?
Did you hear the rattling chains in the hospital walls?
Did you hear the old gospel choir when they came to carry you over?
Did you hear your favorite song one last time?

Young boys, young girls
Ain’t supposed to die on a Saturday night.

Did you hear the ’59 sound coming through on Grandmama’s radio?
Did you hear the rattling chains in the hospital walls?
Did you hear the old gospel choir when they came to carry you over?
Did you hear your favorite song one last time?

Young boys, young girls.

I can control time.

Mon, 07 Jul 2008 04:04:20 GMT

This is the beginning
This is the end
This is where I've started time and time again
This is me by myself
This is me in a crowd
I'll take all this shit
And I'll bring it around

I feel like we're standing on the edge of something big
Take a leap of faith with me.

This is all I've said and done
This is all I've begun
I'm a mess of mistakes
Riddled in holes

The waters are choppy.

Sat, 05 Jul 2008 03:17:21 GMT

I'm telling you this now.
So you can remember to not care later.

Goodbye Mr. Rain!

Thu, 03 Jul 2008 03:37:38 GMT

Work.
Babysit.
Justin.
Jeff.
Sebastian.
Kristen.
Gh3.
Internet.
Books.
Music.

Basically my life these days summed up in oh 10 words?

Could've been a night like any other
One of us has to drive
One of us gets to think
I'll force a laugh to break the silence
It's gonna get harder still
Before it's easy
You can't keep safe
What wants to break

I'm alone in this
I'm a "as-I've-always-been"
Right behind what's happening
She's a "lost-in-this"
She's a light
She'll always be
A little far for me to reach

I was just a boy like every other
I thought I was something fierce
I thought I was ten times smarter
Love would be something that I just know
How are you gonna know the feeling
Until you lost it
I've been losing plenty since

I'm alone in this
I'm a "as-I've-always-been"
Right behind what's happening
She's a "lost-in-this"
She's a light
She'll always be
A little far for me to reach

Maybe something else I'm missing
Something good and you're the reason
It's a dream but there's a real world waiting

I'm alone in this
I'm a "as-I've-always-been"
Right behind what's happening
She's a "lost-in-this"
She's a light
She'll always be
A little far for me to reach
I'm alone in this
I'm a "as-I've-always-been"
Right behind what's happening
She's a "lost-in-this"
She's a light
She'll always be
A little far for me to reach

Noyes

Mon, 30 Jun 2008 01:10:50 GMT

:]:

I've finally

Sun, 29 Jun 2008 05:43:03 GMT

found the band I've been looking for.

C.L.♥

Stumble.

Fri, 27 Jun 2008 05:11:46 GMT

The guy I find who wants to talk about quantum theory in a bar is the one I want to marry.

Day out, Day in, the paper cuts my skin again.

Wed, 25 Jun 2008 20:34:40 GMT

I want to know God's thoughts, the rest are just details.

I try to stay on top of you
To hold your body down
Your shaking seems to hinder
Every grasp that I had found
Moving every inch around you
To diffuse your private bomb
I stretch myself surrounding
And protecting you from harm

I use a wallet for your mouth
So when you bite you will not bleed
I drilled a wire through my cheek
And let it down and out my sleeve
And now you’re pulling out the best of me
Yeah which never ever comes
This wire is all that’s left of me
And it's hooked within my gums, within my gums

So drill it, so drill it, so hard I feel it…It’s Okay now

I hate to show I'd bleed for this
I cut myself to shame
To get to know who this masochist
Who’s stolen my first name
Pretending he’s a teacher
Holding all my weight at ease
But the teacher seems to split in two
Destroying both his knees

And now crawling I position myself
Below your broken wings
I lift your feathered left arm
Where you hide your heart from me
I never noticed it was swollen
With a touch of brutal pain
I never knew a heart could live inside
The rust from all your rain, all your rain

I didn't think to bring a washcloth
Oh, to rub away the dirt
Myself and I we share
This barely beating heart of hurt
And when the hurt comes there’s an argument
A fight to save a smile
A small attack on human tears
To dry them for a while

A dream we all should count on
Yeah a vision I believe
And where confidence is found
Attached to wires on a sleeve
And where loneliness is history
Told to pack its shit and leave
And when guidance is a fortune
Told to help in time of need

And where crying isn’t secret
It’s the art of how we grieve
And lessons are the key
To every goal I will achieve, I will achieve

So drill it, so drill it...It's okay now

Success.

Wed, 25 Jun 2008 16:17:41 GMT

Now that my house is falling apart.
I've realized how lonely I am.
My bad habits are getting worse.
And a multitude of other stressing subjects I'd rather not put here
I can successfully say...!:

That I don't know what to say.
For the first time in my life I don't want to shut down.
I want to speak.
I want to speak out loud.
And I can't.

This town is colder now, I think it's sick of us
It's time to make a move, I'm shaking off the rust
I've got my heart set on anywhere but here
I'm staring down myself, counting up the years

Steady hands, just take the wheel
And every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal
For the life I lead

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, ohhh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here, not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, can you see what I see

They're trying to come back, all my senses push
Untie the weight bags, I never thought I could

Steady feet, don't fail me now
I'm a-run till you can't walk
But something pulls my focus out
And I'm standing down

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here, not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared
I've become what I can't be
Oh, do you see what I see

I hope your friends understand that.

Sun, 22 Jun 2008 02:51:16 GMT

Crouched down on a rooftop
In my mother's high-heeled shoes
I'm wondering if I will drop
Fly away with you

I can smell the rain coming
But I won't leave until it falls
I'm gonna soak in its downpour
'Til I hear my mother's calls

Cause I am playing God
I am raising hell
As far as I can tell
I am all alone
Alone in this world
Alone, with you

I carry Spring rain in my hair
Weighted sorrow in perfect clouds
Bursting in the air
Wash away and drown

I am playing God
I am raising hell
As far as I can tell
I am all alone
Alone in this world
Alone, with you

The roof slips beneath my feet
As the branches back away from me
The softest grass turns to concrete
But I will fly
I will fly
You will see

Cause I am playing God
I am raising hell
As far as I can tell
I am all alone
Alone in this world
Alone

It only felt like my imagination was melting.

Sat, 21 Jun 2008 15:25:27 GMT

The word miracle isn't really worth the same
As a measure of marvel in Heaven as it is on Earth
Because extraordinary happenings are commonplace in the promised land,
So the precedent is modified.
God itself decides the phenomenon fairly fantastic in nature,
Happened very rarely by standards set by the practicing masters
Of the spectacular arts in paradise.

As I strolled aimless on the edges of sacrament one day,
I wasn't looking and died by accident.
With sugar on my tongue and a breeze in each armpit,
I descended to Heaven cross-legged by magic carpet.
Carried along through tunnels by a flow of waves,
I met this soul with the role of issuing halos.
His name was Aurora, one time bet-maker,
Everything he said he sang like Chet Baker.
He explained the significance of the halo's intentions,
The way that each increment of its dimensions
Bore a correlation to the core of your essence
With factors including the learning of lessons.
Things that matter the most here being,
Reflect and direct on the gleam that your seeing.
Overall size of the particle density
As it corresponds to the mission intensity.
Well over 400 factors with gradiance
Come into play with each new halo's radiance.
With congratulations and repeating my name,
He also assured me that no two are the same.
It allows you a glimpse into each person's spirit
without even having to come anywhere near it.
So with halo in place and my thankfulness pledged,
My resident status in Heaven was full-fledged.

One day in eternity after riding a teeter-totter with God,
I fell asleep with my feet in the water of a lake by a tree
In a quiet little place
Where I could be by myself with the sun on my face.
A little while later, I awoke to a rumbling
And opened my eyes to see a scene so humbling.
I couldn't quite catch my breath and my pulse doubled
'Cause the lake looked like it boiled as it bubbled.
But instead of scalding my skin, it was soothing,
And it only felt like my imagination was melting.
And trickling into pools of fluid intuition
As secret splendor came to fruition.
My own eyes surrendered as rapture found its purpose
As beautiful harmonies danced on the surface.
Abstract shapes of all colors first
Did a dance and then floated, from each bubbled bursted,
Literally billions of magnificent things would quake
And quiver on top of the lake.
I glanced left and right to see if maybe anyone else was dreaming this dream.
When I turned all the way with my back to the spectre,
I saw there an angel in the form of perfection.
I felt paralyzed and my voice tried to hide,
She glided and just moved her hips from side to side
Without moving her feet, her hand held out in front of her,
Calm and collected, my hopes in her palm.
The closer she came, and something about her,
The most soothing sound grew louder and louder.
Intense pleasure ran the length of my spine
As I pulled her towards me with the strength of my mind.
When our hands finally touched, she told me she loved me
And then the shapes from the lake filled the whole sky above me.
Instead of our tongues, we spoke with our eyes,
While music and color pulsed from the skies.

It shines, our edges are dreams running lengthwise.
Our secret wishes fluttering light years.
We fashioned inferences in disguise shapes together.
You are the space between my exhales.
Our way of understanding is eyes closed navigation.
We twist slivers of unconsciousness into sacrament.
Ghosts waltz around our backs.
Our ideas converge to form corners to hide in.

Quicker than dreams we traded our charms,
Then spent eternity in each other's arms.
It was a miracle in Heaven,
You could see it and hear it everywhere,
The synthesis of two souls and one spirit.

Our halos were the exact same size.

Gay is not a synonym for shitty.

Sat, 21 Jun 2008 07:19:07 GMT

It's 3.20 in the morning.
put me out of my fucking misery.
-.-;

I've loved everything about you that hurts, so
Let me see your moves,
Let me see your moves
Lips pressed this close to mine,
True Blue

But the prince of any failing empire knows that
Everybody wants, everybody wants
To drive on through the night
If it's a drive back home

Things aren't the same anymore
Some nights, they get so bad
You almost pick up the phone

Trade baby blues for wide eyed browns
I sleep with your old shirts
And walk through this house in your shoes,
You know it's strange
It's a strange way of saying,
I'm supposed to love you
I'm supposed to love you

I've already given up on myself twice
Third time is the charm, third time is the charm
Threw caution to the wind
But I've got a lousy arm

And I've traced your shadows on the wall
Now I kiss them whenever I'm down
Whenever I'm down
Figured on not figuring myself out

Things aren't the same anymore
Some nights, they get so bad
I almost pick up the phone

Trade baby blues for wide eyed browns
I sleep with your old shirts
And walk through this house in your shoes,
You know it's strange
It's a strange way of saying
That I know I'm supposed to love you
I'm supposed to love you

Born under a bad sign, but you saved my life
That night on the roof of your hotel
"Cross my heart and hope to die
Splintered from the headboard in my eye"
Photo-proofed kisses I remembered so well

Trade baby blues for wide eyed browns
I sleep with your old shirts
And walk through this house in your shoes,
You know it's strange
It's a strange way of saying
That I know I'm supposed to love you
I'm supposed to love you

Now press repeat

6:183

Fri, 20 Jun 2008 05:36:39 GMT

Things are shaping up to be Pretty. Odd.

Fri, 20 Jun 2008 00:30:15 GMT

I love this cd. And no your opinion on it is of no concern to me so stfu.
"I know it's mad but if I go to hell will you come with me or just leave?
I know it's mad but if the world were ending would you kiss me or just leave me?
Just leave me"

Enough music for once right?
Tomorrow's 6 months.
It's amazing. I honestly didn't think we'd last this long.
I was thinking...4 months tops MAYBE.
And then I woke up today and 183 days had flown by since December 20th.
I still remember New Years pretty clearly.
Was it magic?
I'm going to be a child for the next few hours and pretend it was :3

I'm going to buy "White Fluffy Clouds" then finish that and "Jane Eyre" before buying "From the Murks of the Sultry Abyss". I'm going to wait until I get my first paycheck to buy my Warped Tour ticket since it's the first one coming up [SO excited for it]. I don't know who's going, but that's okay :] I actually wouldn't mind going alone. I don't have a ride either, but maybe this year my mom can take me.

Mayhem Tour is out since I'll be in GA and they won't be there while I'm there. Abbey are we going to ProjektRevolution in GA? I can buy your ticket if you want me to. Then there's Rx Bandits some time in July...hope Swick is still going...omfg I love the summer. I've been in the best moods lately, I've gotten back into babysitting and although Lennon gets on my nerves even more now that he's getting older I'm glad to be getting back into my old routine. I like routine, it reminds me I'm sane. I'm going to have to figure out how to get to work when I'm on call. I think I'll get on the bus first and get on early then wait until I'm on my way to the mall before I call in. I'll have to work on my timing. At least I'll have a use for my change now -.-;

I'm going to start buying magazines for my room. So far we all know Abbey and Krystal are helping. Ginny I think you said you had some old AP magazines but never got back to me on if I could cut 'em up or not?

Been hanging out a lot more with Jeff lately. He's so much fun. LOL @ surprise wrestling xD Oh man I should throw another party. I think I will. !!!!!

!!!
oh!
I JUST HAD AN IDEAAAAAA!
If my mom takes me to Warped Tour I could bring some people with us and we could all just like idk spend the nite at my house and I'll count that as a party.
HEY HEY HEY.

oh man.
Time for some guitar hero and book ordering.